Back
by Andy-Qinwuxinbing
Summary: Elliot is back. Is it too late, both for her and for him. Things change. Yet do people change as well? And how about their feelings? Rated T to be safe.


I don't own anything.

Please note that English is not my first language.

Just something I wrote the night brfore season 15 premiere, and I found it somewhere on my laptop a couple days back and decided to post it anyway. Haven't decided whether to make it a one-shot or to continue writing, please review or send me a PM to help me make the decision. :P

* * *

-You are back.

-Yeah.

-After more than two years?!

-I'm sorry.

-No phone calls, no text messages, no nothing. Sorry isn't enough.

-I…

-Forget it, why are you even here if you are so determined not to contact me ever again?

-I never not wanted to see you again.

-Yeah, right.

-I mean it!

Tears falling again. It's too much for her. A week in hell, then the news of Brian's death last night, then Elliot's back.

-You are only here to make me feel better after all this happened, right?

-It's not true.

-Just leave, Elliot. I'm not in the mood for all these emotions.

-Olivia…

-Please.

There was nothing more than holding her tight that he wanted. Yet he knew better. She's a victim now.

The day before Olivia is rescued by the unit, abandoned warehouse in New Jersey

-So, the operation is done. I am going back to normal life finally?

-Of course. You did some excellent undercover work, detective Stabler.

-Thanks, Captain Brewster.

-Yeah, you can really use sometime with your family. It's been what, seven month, since you last saw them? The case got too messed up from then on.

He called Kathy first, talked a bit, hanged up.

Then he called Cragen. He needed his old job back. The whole retire thing was just to back up his undercover story, ex-NYPD officer.

All he remembered from the phone call was "Olivia is missing; a serial torturer and rapist got her."

His heart sank.

Kathy declared her final decision about their marriage two years ago, right after he announced his undercover operation. Good news was they were still friendly during their few chances of meeting and the kids were doing great.

He thought about Olivia every single night he spent as Andy Gibson. He had always loved her, ever since 14 years ago. He finally decided to reveal his true feelings weeks ago, as he sensed the probable soon ending of the operation.

He was more than thrilled to call Olivia. Yet he decided to get some information from Cragen first last minute. It's funny that he felt nervous calling her partner for years to dinner for some catching-up and then, confess his true feelings.

And then he is in the deepest abyss he has ever been.

He went to Brian Cassidy's tomb that afternoon.

Cragen had told him that Olivia had been seeing Brian and the terrible news that the beast had Brian killed when he tried to enter Olivia's apartment, where Lewis kept Olivia in the first place.

He felt weird as he stared at the gravestone. It's Olivia's boyfriend. Boyfriend of the women he has been in love with for too long.

Then he felt simple sadness. Not only for the man he once worked with, but also for Olivia.

He knew sex crimes. He knew rapists. He knew victims. All too well.

He returned to his hotel room, lied on the bed, heart sobbing as he fell asleep.

He felt guilty for sleeping at all the next morning. Olivia was held prisoner by the beast for crying-out-loud's sake! He hit himself in the forehead. It had been more than 50 hours since he last rested. The undercover case was absolutely nowhere close to "simple".

He walked into the bathroom. The man in the mirror is totally different from the man walked away two years ago. The tough work he did took a toll on him. It looked as if he has aged ten years.

He was staring at himself. And then Cragen called.

"We find Olivia. She is alive."

He rushed to the hospital only to have the doctor told him that Olivia was heavily sedated.

The svu team filled Elliot in on the William Lewis case and how they finally located Olivia.

He stayed in the waiting room of the hospital the whole day and the night, letting the guilt and pain eating him up.

He didn't get her back. And now she is a victim.

Kidnapped, beaten, starved, dry-drowned, cigarette-burned, knife-carved, and raped for days.

He looked through the window of her ward. He couldn't control his tears.

She woke up the next noon. Doctor told her that she got a visitor.

The door swung open, there Elliot stood.

-Elliot?!

-Yeah. It's me.

She can't speak. Tears are running down her face.

-You are back.

-Yeah.

-After more than two years?!

-I'm sorry.

-No phone calls, no text messages, no nothing. Sorry isn't enough.

-I…

-Forget it, why are you even here if you are so determined not to contact me ever again?

-I never not want to see you again.

-Yeah right.

-I mean it!

Tears falling again. It's too much for her. A week in hell, then the news of Brian's death last night, then Elliot's back.

-You are only here to make me feel better after all this happened, right?

-It's not true.

-Just leave, Elliot. I'm not in the mood for all these emotions.

-Olivia…

-Please.

There was nothing more than holding her tight that he wanted. Yet he knew better. She's a victim now.

-I wasn't gone. I was undercover.

-What?

She was more than sure that she shouldn't be getting so much information at this moment. Her mind was not ready to process them, not at all.

-I couldn't tell you. Cragen didn't know until the day before yesterday, the day the operation ended.

-I'm sorry.

-Hey. No need to apologize.

She tried to squeeze a smile, but failed.

Complete silence.

She spoke up first after minutes that felt like years.

-Elliot…

-Yeah?

-Can you hold me?

He raised an eyebrow, not sure whether to do as she says.

-Please.

Something shiny in her eyes was making it hard for him to resist.

He sits down on the side of the bed; gently wraps his arm around her.

She buried her head in his chest, tears wetting his shirt.

-I missed you. I…I…I didn't know why, but…but… I was always thinking of you in that cabin, all the time.

-Shhh…Don't think about that now. It's over.

-I know.

-I missed you too.

* * *

How do you like it? Should i continue? Please review!~


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